“The way a woman feels about herself and others,
the way she carries herself,
the way she expresses herself,
the interest she shows in all about her,
will make her beautiful.”
I have failed yet again.
I cut last night, after not doing it for a week.
Maybe I’ll never get better.
I want to be beautiful.
If I was to gain weight, lose my thigh gap, and gain an actual stomach I’d be happy. Getting rid of my binge-purge ordeal would have to be the first thing that I would have to do, in order to complete this goal. Honestly, getting this addiction to leave has to be the hardest thing that I have ever dealt with before.
Have a pretty smile.
Let my braces straighten out my teeth and then go in to get veneers over my horrible discolored places. The discoloration came from some health issues as a child and they will never go away.
Feel good about myself.
Speak positively about myself. Feel proud of myself and actually realized when I have done something good.
I just want to love myself and be beautiful, but honestly, I think that may be a bit too much to ask.
For those of you who were not aware.
I am not telling you this for sympathy or pity, which I do not want either way.
Actually, I’m here to give myself a bit of a congratulations and inform you all, at the same time.
I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE NOT CUT IN A WEEK.
That may not seem like a big deal to you guys, but it is a huge deal to me.
Let the recovery process begin.
I just wanted to simply take a moment to thank everyone who has/will view my blog. I sincerely appreciate it and love you all.
My boyfriend’s father came over on Friday night, while I was away and talked to my dad about a lot of things I’ve been struggling with.
I never told his father, but he read about everything in James’ facebook messages.
He talked to my dad about my self-harm, about my “woods incident”, and a few other things.
It opened my dad’s eyes, as well as mine, to seeing what is truly wrong with me.
My self-harm is still going on, but it is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, months ago.
Right now, I’m not struggling so much with my cutting, but it’s a bit difficult to just toss out my binge-purge addiction. I’m working on it though.
I have a “daddy-daughter date” this coming week and he’s beginning to actually hear me out and value my opinion for the first time in about 7 years.
I’m hoping that things will continue to get better and I’ll keep you guys up to date.
I absolutely hate when people cancel something last minute.
Most definitely things that I’ve been looking forward too all weekend for.
I just want to SHOUT.
But instead, I just end up in tears.
Not able to focus or cooperate the rest of the pointless and insignificant day.
Take away my joy and you might as well take away the rest of my day.
I feel worthless.
Just all around stupid.
The horrible thing is..
I’ll never say anything about it.
I’ll just wait until I get a moment alone and..
You don’t want to know.
“The heart will break, but broken live on.“